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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773976">If Only You Could Lie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latigra/pseuds/Latigra'>Latigra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Avalanche, Character Study, Cloud Strife/Jesse (Final Fantasy VII Remake), During Canon, F/M, FFVIIR Chapter 2, Failed attempt at Romance, Fashion Talk, Jesse and Cloud's Whirlwind Hookup, Tifa POV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:53:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latigra/pseuds/Latigra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cloud wanders back into her life, as if from the dead. It changes nothing. It also changes everything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If Only You Could Lie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic was supposed to be cute pairing fluff set in chapter 2, but who can write cute fluff while working 60+ hours in one week? Not me, lol.</p><p>See the end for spoilers about ships, for those who are particular about such things.</p><p>Thanks to my friend Ro, as usual, for helping me with this fic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Life comes at you fast,</em> Tifa thinks, as she washes shot glasses early in the morning, after her patrons have wandered off to their grim lives under the plates. </p><p>Or slow. She can’t tell speed sometimes, just that it comes, catches her off-guard and forces her to doubt her choices. She thought she’d left Nibelheim behind, to some degree. That it’d become a memory - one that drove her, gave her purpose, but a memory nonetheless. </p><p>“Soooo.”</p><p>The drawn-out word startles, makes her shoulders tense until she realizes that it’s just Jesse, sliding close to the sink with a twinkle in her brown eyes. Tifa smiles at her, feeling a twinge of. . . something. She wishes she could be more like Jesse sometimes, bright and joyful, always laughing in the face of dread.</p><p>“Hey,” says Tifa.</p><p>“About SOLDIER Boy,” Jesse says, not one to beat around the bush. “Are you and him. . .?” She smirks, making the universal vulgar gesture for sex with her hands.</p><p>“No,” says Tifa, chuckling despite herself.</p><p>“You seem a tad tense around him,” says Jesse.</p><p>“I’m always tense,” says Tifa, echoing Jesse’s very own teasing comments.</p><p>“Yeah,” says Jesse, reaching for a rag so she can help with the glasses. “But with him, it’s a little extra.”</p><p>“Maybe,” says Tifa. “It’s not because we have that type of history. I just thought I’d never see him again.”</p><p>“Happens a lot these days,” says Jesse. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that if you two don’t have ‘that type of history’, as you say, I’m gonna try to hit it.”</p><p>Tifa laughs. She can’t help it, and thankfully, Jesse doesn’t take it personally. It’s not that Jesse would necessarily have trouble getting the kind of attention she likes, but that it’s <em>Cloud</em>. Cloud, who was smaller than all the other boys, unable to meet people’s gazes, sitting in the back of the class all tongue-tied every time the teacher noticed him. Cloud, who only got any light in his eyes when he detected a threat. Who collected celebrity magazines from Midgar but pretended he was too cool for it. </p><p>“You’re cool with it, right?” asks Jesse.</p><p>“Yeah,” says Tifa. “You don’t have to ask me, you know?”</p><p>“I know,” says Jesse. “But still, SOLDIER Boy is not pretty enough to be worth making you sad. And he is the <em>prettiest</em>.”</p><p>He always had been, but it hadn’t been the thing to talk about back in Nibelheim. Not in a nice way, anyway. It’d been too close to his mother’s beauty, and Mrs. Strife had been regarded with nothing but suspicion in Nibelheim. An outsider. Unwed mother. Witch. Poor and always whispering about Odin with a half-crazed air about her.</p><p>“Those eyes,” sighs Jesse. </p><p>Tifa does not like Cloud’s eyes now, striking as they are.</p><p>Later that day, she runs into Cloud as he gets home from another errand. He’s taken her suggestion that he make a name for himself seriously, if the rumors around Sector 7 are anything to go by. He’s clearing out monsters like a champ with no quibbles about pay, despite his insistence that he’s only in it for the money. People are starting to like him, and it’s reassuring to Tifa for many reasons. Some of which she would rather not examine too closely.</p><p>“Hi!” she says, as he goes up the steps.</p><p>He nods, shoulders a bit tense and unable to meet her eyes. It reminds her of the times back home in Nibelheim, when he was too shy to look directly at her. When he pretended he didn’t want to go with her to look for geodes by the mountain base, or pick flowers for the school, but always said yes anyway.</p><p>“Any luck today?” asks Tifa.</p><p>“I guess,” shrugs Cloud, leaning against the rail and looking off into the distance. He is very handsome, enough to pass for the model of a romance novel cover, but the effect is somewhat ruined by the fact that Tifa <em>knows</em> him. Or, she did. Once.</p><p>“How are things going with Jesse?” asks Tifa, in a teasing voice.</p><p>Cloud goes as red as a tomato, sneaks a look at her face, somehow manages to blush even harder, and looks away again. “She’s. . . I mean. She’s a lot.”</p><p>“Yeah,” says Tifa. </p><p>“She wants to have pizza,” says Cloud.</p><p>“I bet she does,” says Tifa.</p><p>“I. . . could,” says Cloud.</p><p>“You could,” agrees Tifa, trying not to laugh. It’s not really that funny.</p><p>But it is. Cloud Strife stands before her, not an ounce of baby fat in his frame, eyes mako-bright and harsh, with a sword bigger than him, pretending to be a <em>badass</em>, but also about to combust with embarrassment because a hot girl wants to have “pizza” with him. Life comes at you fast, indeed. </p><p>“I think I will,” says Cloud.</p><p>“Okay,” says Tifa. The mirth leaves her, almost as quickly as it came over her. “You know, Jesse likes you, and she’s a great friend, and loyal to the cause, but don’t get swept up too much into the. . . romance of it. What I’m trying to say is, try not to. . .” Tifa swallows.</p><p>“I get it,” says Cloud. “She only wants to sleep with me because I’m hot, not because she really likes me or anything.”</p><p>“No!” Tifa stands up before consciously deciding to do so. “That’s not what I meant.”</p><p>“What did you mean, then?” demands Cloud.</p><p>“Just. . .” Tifa hugs her arms. “I don’t know. I don’t want you to get hurt, is all.”</p><p>“I won’t,” says Cloud. All traces of hesitation and shyness are gone. He no longer looks like the boy from Nibelheim, nevermind the ridiculous haircut. </p><p>“Okay,” says Tifa, sneaking a look at him. It’s like they’ve switched places, and she’s the one anxious about catching an unpleasant expression on his face. “Sorry; I should mind my own business.”</p><p>“I’m the one who came and told you,” mumbles Cloud. </p><p>They part ways that evening as they often do, trying to seem natural while avoiding each other’s gazes.</p><p>It’s not until she’s safe in her little room that Tifa realizes that both Jesse and Cloud felt the need to get her blessing, so to speak, before starting their dalliance. Granted, Jesse had been way more direct than Cloud, and also more understandable. If an attractive male acquaintance of Jesse’s suddenly showed up to Seventh Heaven and Tifa decided to pursue him, she would also approach Jesse about it first. If only out of common courtesy, and to make sure that the man isn’t dangerous. Cloud coming to her, on the other hand, is harder to explain. Does he think that she would mind? Does he <em>want</em> her to mind? <em>Does</em> Tifa mind?</p><p>She doesn’t know. Once, she had secretly entertained a life with Cloud, the only person who seemed to see her for <em>her</em>. Who didn’t rush to be in her circle because she was the mayor’s daughter. And the looks hadn’t hurt, though he had not been so comically attractive back home. Sometimes, he doesn’t seem real.</p><p>Well, there’s no point in obsessing about it. She can’t control what either of them do, with pizza or otherwise, and she has a business to run. And an evil corporation to stand up to. </p><p>Nevertheless, she can’t help but notice the way that Jesse and Cloud act around each other. She clings to him, makes jokes about how he’s her knight in shining armor, drags him to Seventh Heaven’s dance floor as often as she can. Much to Tifa’s surprise, Cloud is a very good dancer - confident and fluid, certain that his partner wants his hands on her. Which, to be fair, Jesse certainly does. It’s not long before Sector 7 buzzes with gossip about their fallen theater princess bagging a hot SOLDIER, though both of them deny being exclusive.</p><p>“You know how dramatic I can be,” Jesse tells Tifa one evening, when Cloud has gone on an errand with Barret, Biggs, and Wedge. </p><p>Tifa had to mind the bar, and Jesse stayed back because they couldn’t get enough fake IDs for everyone. As usual, they’d decided who’d go along with a dice game.</p><p>“I know,” says Tifa, as she prepares a drink. The customer beams at her, giving her a once-over.</p><p>“Honestly, I’m afraid this has already gone on too long,” says Jesse, nursing her shot glass. “Three weeks, Tifa. <em>Three</em>. I figured he’d wandered off by now.”</p><p>“Me, too,” says Tifa. </p><p>“I don't know how to cut this off,” says Jesse, sighing.</p><p>“Cut it off?” Tifa looks at her, really paying attention for the first time all evening. </p><p>The usual air of mirth is nowhere close to Jesse, though she tries her best to respond to Tifa’s questioning gaze with a bright smile. It doesn’t reach her eyes, and she downs her shot like a woman trying to enjoy her last meal.</p><p>“Jesse, are you okay?” asks Tifa, walking over and leaning closer.</p><p>“I’m great.”</p><p>“Is Cloud being. . .” Being what? Tifa can’t imagine him being a bad boyfriend.</p><p>“Oh, he’s amazing,” says Jesse. “He goes wherever I ask, carries my bags, he <em>looks</em> like that, and holy Bahamut, but this bastard is good in bed!”</p><p>“Oh,” says Tifa, blushing. This might not be something she wants to know about him.</p><p>“Dick size? Average, which might be above average, considering his height,” says Jesse.</p><p>“I’m not sure that height is related to that,” says Tifa, though what she really should be doing is steering the conversation away from this topic.</p><p>“That’s just something short guys say to make themselves feel better,” says Jesse, waving a hand. “Cloud’s just lucky, not that the size matters when it comes to him, considering his <em>stamina</em>. There’s virtually no refractory period, which can suck for him, but for me? His dick should come with a warning.”</p><p>“Okay, I’m not sure Cloud would appreciate his private business being discussed like this,” says Tifa. </p><p>“I’m complimenting him,” says Jesse.</p><p>“Jesse, are you drunk?” asks Tifa. She jokes a lot, but she’s rarely insensitive about these things. </p><p>“A little, probably,” says Jesse, with a little burp. “I hope I didn’t say too much about Cloud’s dick.”</p><p>“You said a little bit,” says Tifa. “I’m cutting you off.”</p><p>She only gives Jesse juice and soda for the rest of the evening, keeping an eye on her to make sure that she doesn’t do something that she’ll regret later. Like cheat on Cloud, though they both keep insisting that they’re not exclusive. Eventually, she just takes Jesse downstairs to sleep it off, and before she starts to get a little weepy. She knows Jesse wouldn’t appreciate her negative feelings becoming public.</p><p>“Why does he have to be so nice?” asks Jesse. </p><p>“I don’t know,” says Tifa, keeping her voice low so Marlene doesn't wake up. “Isn’t that a good thing?”</p><p>“No, you don’t understand,” says Jesse. “I like shitty men.”</p><p>“Okay,” says Tifa. Drunk people rarely make much sense. “I need to go back to work. Just sleep it off, alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah,” Jesse mumbles into the pillow.</p><p>The rest of the evening goes by without much fuss. The clients and the jukebox cooperate, and Tifa estimates she made a decent profit for once. Jesse remains downstairs, is still there when Barret returns with Cloud right behind him. Under the yellowish light of the little bit of sun that peeks out from behind the steel sky, Cloud looks golden, unfazed by the obvious exhaustion evident in Barrett's sagging shoulders.</p><p>"Is Jesse here?" asks Cloud, after Barret has reassured Tifa that the mission went well.</p><p>"She's downstairs," says Tifa.</p><p>"Oh," says Cloud. </p><p>"Meet your girlfriend when she's not on classified territory, Merc," says Barret.</p><p>"I wasn't gonna ask to go downstairs," says Cloud, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks at Tifa. "Please, tell her I'm looking for her."</p><p>"Okay," says Tifa.</p><p>"And my payment?" he asks Barret, toner growing harsher.</p><p>"You'll get it at the end of the week, as always," says Barret.</p><p>Cloud leaves without another word, back straight despite that giant sword. Which still looks ridiculous, though no one can accuse him of not being able to use it.</p><p>"Why did you even bring him back with you just to be rude?" asks Tifa, whirling on Barret.</p><p>"Bring him?" Barret shrugs and waves a hand. "He trailed behind me like a lost puppy; figured he was coming to see you. Now, where's my Marlene?" </p><p>Clearly, he came looking for someone else. Not that Barret would care either way. His hatred for ShinRa runs deep, and Tifa fully understands it. She has known Cloud practically her whole, and the sight of him in that uniform still makes her queasy. He'd looked more like himself in the trooper uniform.</p><p>She keeps an eye on Jesse the rest of the week (and on Cloud too, though it's harder, more uncomfortable). Her fling with Cloud ends before the next weekend, and she doesn't hear about it because it's not anywhere near as dramatic as Jesse's usual break-ups. But it is much sadder. </p><p>“He just said ‘fine’ when I said we had to stop seeing each other,” says Jesse, sprawled on the floor of her little apartment, where she’d invited Tifa to get good and drunk. “Didn’t even ask why; just shrugged and said <em>fine</em>.”</p><p>“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” Tifa eyes the bottle of wine with some longing. She avoids drinking anywhere near enough to even get tipsy; too easy to develop a bad habit when you have access to near-limitless free alcohol.</p><p>“I thought it would be,” says Jesse. “Shit, I was complaining about how hard it would be to dump him, but I guess he just didn’t care that much.”</p><p>Tifa doesn’t think that’s it. The Cloud she knew had been so thoughtful, so distressed at the mere notion of causing anyone pain, that he’d gently picked up bugs and placed them out in the bushes. He wouldn’t just get into a relationship, no matter how casual, and then shrug it off. Would he? </p><p>“You could just tell him you didn’t mean it,” says Tifa, after some hesitation. </p><p>“Ugh, how humiliating would <em>that</em> be?” Jesse takes a gulp of wine. “He clearly doesn’t care.”</p><p>Any other time, Tifa would prompt Jesse to talk more, to get it all off her chest, but this all feels different. Maybe it’s because, for once, she knows the guy that Jesse is ranting about. She fishes for something to say, anything that might distract her, but what comes out of her mouth is probably the worst thing.</p><p>“All the girls back in Nibelheim-” Tifa swallows. She doesn’t remember the last time she’d spoken the name out loud. “-we used to rank the boys. Which one would make the best husband when we grew up, you know?”</p><p>“Oh, right,” says Jesse. “You two grew up in one of those backwater reactor towns, right?”</p><p>Tifa nods. “Really backwater. Cloud’s mom was. . . different. Had a kid out of wedlock, wouldn’t say who the dad was, and she was pretty. <em>Really</em> pretty.”</p><p>“I bet, if she looked anything like Cloud.”</p><p>“She did,” says Tifa, smiling. “But she wasn’t exactly popular, and that affected Cloud too. We weren’t supposed to hang out with him much. And then I guess he was just shy.”</p><p>“But let me guess,” says Jesse, sighing. “He was the best at whatever sport they played over there, had those <em>eyes</em>, and all the girls wanted to bang him. You included.”</p><p>“No!” Tifa blushes, then blushes harder when Jesse laughs. “Most of that is wrong. Cloud was clumsy and skinny, Nibelheim didn’t have much in the way of sports, and Cloud’s eyes were a regular blue.”</p><p>“But he was very pretty,” says Jesse. “And all the girls secretly wanted him.”</p><p>“Well, they wanted other boys. . . but they hoped they’d grow up to look like Cloud,” says Tifa. </p><p>“They sound like assholes,” says Jesse.</p><p>“Yeah,” admits Tifa. She hadn’t ever admitted it, but Cloud had been on her list for way more than just his looks. “My point is, maybe Cloud just isn’t used to overt attention.”</p><p>Jesse shoots her a look. “Maybe that was so back in the day, but Cloud’s used to getting attention now. Trust me.”</p><p>That really does seem to be the case. It would be a nice thought, but all the talk of Nibelheim is bringing back memories that Tifa would rather keep buried. Claudia Strife would never meet the man that her son had become, and - whatever reservations Tifa may have - Claudia would have approved of the harsh atmosphere Cloud now carried with him. </p><p>“Let’s talk about something else,” says Tifa, forcing a bright tone. “Have you heard about the new <em>Loveless</em> adaptation?”</p><p>She manages to keep the topic away from Cloud - and Nibelheim - but it’s in the back of her mind. It’s still there the next morning, while she’s helping Marle organize hand-me-downs for the slum orphans. And while she and Barret work on the filters, all in their efforts to fund their small (but effective) branch of Avalanche. Rumors of Cloud and Jesse’s whirlwind romance set Sector 7 abuzz, but Jesse has convinced herself that she doesn’t care at all, that the whole thing is actually very funny. Cloud is so gloomy, after all. Why would anyone think they would last beyond a couple of hot dates?</p><p>“You’re sure you’re fine with all this?” Tifa asks Cloud, the next time they’re doing an errand together.</p><p>“With all what?” asks Cloud.</p><p>“Never mind,” says Tifa. They’re close together on the train, and she doesn’t want to risk an awkward scene in front of some fancy ShinRa suit. </p><p>“No, tell me,” insists Cloud, leaning closer to her. The train sways as they pass the first QR check, the neon red light making Cloud’s eyes look even bluer than usual.</p><p>“I just meant Jesse,” says Tifa.</p><p>“What about her?” </p><p>“The break-up,” says Tifa, almost in a whisper.</p><p>“Oh, that.” Cloud shrugs. “She got what she wanted, and I’m not mad or anything. It worked out.”</p><p>She files away in the back of her mind that Cloud considers himself the injured party in whatever happened. “Why didn’t you fight for her?” asks Tifa. Was he angry?</p><p>“Fight who?” asks Cloud. “She said she didn’t want us to date anymore.”</p><p>“Maybe she just wanted to see if you cared about the relationship,” says Tifa, since men can be so emotionally illiterate.</p><p>“I don’t,” says Cloud, without a hint of hesitation.</p><p>Mercifully, the train slides to a halt at their stop, sparing Tifa from having to interrogate that statement. He hadn’t done anything wrong, not even Jesse accused him of anything, but it still seems cold. Shy little Cloud, staring out at the playground with wide eyes, discarding any type of relationship so carelessly. It just doesn’t seem right. Nothing about Cloud’s sudden appearance in Midgar seems right.</p><p>Tifa shakes her head. She needs to keep her focus on the mission. Before hitting the next reactor, they need to divert ShinRa’s attention to something else. An explosion, preferably away from civilians, that would threaten ShinRa’s bottom line. The supply lines to Midgar; lifeblood for the vicious corporation. Barrett had come to Cloud with the idea, and he’d said that ShinRa expects such interference and randomizes which routes supply Midgar with mako and other raw materials. </p><p>“Food trains will be safest to hit,” Cloud had told them. “They’re crucial for the plate neighborhood, expensive as anything else, fragile, and not likely to cause uncontrollable fires with majorly toxic fumes.”</p><p>“I like the way you think, SOLDIER boy,” Barret had responded.</p><p>“They keep those logs off the main headquarters; the lanyard there will probably just let me look at them,” Cloud had added. “Easy enough for me to pass for a SOLDIER.”</p><p>“Well, aren’t you one?” </p><p>“I <em>was</em> one, a long time ago. Not anymore.”</p><p><em>A long time ago, but when?</em> Tifa can’t help but wonder, as he guides them through Midgar.</p><p>Cloud had been a rank-and-file trooper at Nibelheim, when ShinRa’s prized general razed the town to ashes, murdered his <em>mother</em>. . . and then what? Cloud had volunteered to be one of their attack dogs? No matter how angry at them Cloud seems now, how much he’s helping Avalanche (although he says he only wants money), Tifa can’t pretend that he didn’t run back to ShinRa. Apparently. What could they have possibly done to him that had been worse than what they’d done in Nibelheim? </p><p>It turns out that it is, in fact, easy for Cloud to pass for a SOLDIER above the plates. People give him a wide berth, way more than they do down in the slums. They assume that Tifa is with him and afford her the same courtesy, even when he goes into one of the more expensive stores and starts picking up random items without looking at the price tags. Make-up. A skirt. Trousers. A couple of blouses. All women’s clothes, in the styles for working at an office. Tifa feels acutely out of place in her shorts and faded t-shirt, and she tries to keep her head held high whenever some fancy-suited person forgets themselves and stares at her in open amazement. </p><p>“I got another idea,” Cloud says, leaning over to whisper to her, arms full of random stuff. “That office I told you about is close, just followed my lead.” </p><p>He saunters to the counter, where a short girl with a brown pixie cut stares at him with wide eyes as he dumps the stuff he picked on her counter. </p><p>“I need to return these,” Cloud tells her, flatly.</p><p>“Oh,” says the girl. “Um, why?”</p><p>“That doesn’t concern you,” says Cloud. </p><p>Tifa inwardly cringes. The poor girl. Shitty, demanding, <em>unreasonable</em> customers are the worst.</p><p>“Okay,” says the cashier. “I need the receipt.”</p><p>“I lost it,” says Cloud.</p><p>“Oh, well.” The girl gulps. Though Tifa is standing behind Cloud, she can imagine the harsh look on his handsome face. “Well, did you use a credit card?”</p><p>“I paid cash,” says Cloud, shifting impatiently. </p><p>“Uh, sir.” The girl looks past Cloud, makes eye contact with Tifa for a tortured second, then looks down. “I’m afraid I can’t help you, then.” </p><p>“Fine,” says Cloud.</p><p>Tifa hopes that he hadn’t used that tone when Jesse broke up with him.</p><p>“At least give me a bag so I don’t have to carry these out by hand,” adds Cloud.</p><p>The girl looks up, eyes wide as saucers. Tifa can’t believe he’s trying this. He’d just grabbed a bunch of clothes randomly. Behind the counter, sure, but other patrons had <em>seen</em> them. </p><p>“Okay,” says the girl.</p><p>Not only does she give Cloud the bag, she actually helps him put the stolen clothes in it. Cloud grabs it and whirls around without so much as a thank you, and Tifa follows him out while avoiding eye contact with anyone. She waits until they're on a mostly deserted street before arguing.</p><p>“I can’t believe you!” Tifa hisses, when she thinks they’re home free.</p><p>Cloud shrugs and keeps walking. “New plan. I’ll steal a lanyard, then you pose as a secretary and me as your guard so we can steal as many files as possible. I’ll get a USB drive. You know how to use them?”</p><p>“You just picked those clothes off the hangers,” says Tifa.</p><p>“You’re not gonna pass as a secretary dressed as you are,” says Cloud. </p><p>“That’s not the point!” The implied insult to her clothes barely phases her. “I’d have dressed like a secretary if that had been the plan from the beginning. What about that poor cashier?”</p><p>“What about her?” Cloud asks without turning around.</p><p>Tifa makes an inarticulate sound.</p><p>“Did you think she’d fight a SOLDIER over a few hundred gils worth of clothes?” asks Cloud.</p><p>Tifa’s near tears, and she doesn’t remember the last time she’d shed any. Nibelheim. Back in Nibelheim. “I didn’t realize the mako turned you into a bully.”</p><p>Suddenly, Cloud stops in his tracks. He tilts his head, then turns around to look at her with those cold blue eyes. “We’re terrorists.” He raises the bag and shakes it lightly. “This is the mildest thing I’ve done in years. We blew up a reactor. People died.”</p><p>To her horror, Tifa feels her lips tremble. She pushes at Cloud's chest, determined not to cry in front of him. He sways backwards, though she knows he's only indulging her. Tifa's proud of her strength, but she has seen him hold crates too heavy for four men and look outright bored. He'd grown stronger than she'd ever hoped, and maybe in another life, he'd shown up at Nibelheim like this: handsome, confident and cold, able to walk into places and just take whatever he wanted. He might have been the one to burn Nibelheim to the ground.</p><p>Only a handful of tears escape while Tifa walks around Midgar, ignoring affronted looks and the odd catcall. At one point, Barret contacts her via PHS. Tifa says that Cloud is handling the mission without a problem, because she knows that he is, despite her outburst. Or, rather, that he will. The one constant between the Cloud of her memories and the current, cold facsimile is their reliability.</p><p>Eventually, she heads below the plates, unsure of what else to do. Contacting Cloud seems like a bad idea - what if he's in the middle of getting the Intel? Going back to the bar empty-handed, and without concrete explanations regarding Cloud's whereabouts - much less his plans - would drive Barrett to conniptions.</p><p>As a result of her ambivalence, she ends up taking a long walk through the crumbling streets in-between the sectors, and even takes down a few stray monsters on the way. It's against protocol to go out alone, but Tifa's feeling a tad restless. The adrenaline helps calm her nerves, so she can't really bring herself to regret it. It's not like she plans to tell Barret. She plans to tell him next to nothing about the events of the day.</p><p>By the time she's nearing home, she runs into Marco stumbling around, muttering to himself in his tattered dark robe. Seeing him always makes her sad, but now, she gets the added bonus of remembering Cloud almost cleaving him in half with that giant sword. He had been right, hadn't he? Scaring a cashier at a fancy plate-store is probably the most benign thing he's done in a long time.</p><p>"Marco," says Tifa, approaching the hunched figure carefully. "Come on, let me walk you home."</p><p>"Reunion," Marco mumbles, without looking at her. "It's coming soon. He won’t stop it. Reunion. . ."</p><p>"Okay," says Tifa. He must be rambling about his family. Whether they are dead, or had just abandoned Marco, Tifa can't begin to guess.</p><p>The trip back home goes smoothly. People wave and say hello, and Tifa forces her face to contort into what she hopes is a nice smile, and goes on. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is always another day, provided she's alive to see it.</p><p>"You had something to eat today?" she asks Marco, when they reach his door.</p><p>"Reunion," says Marco, to his door.</p><p>"Okay," says Tifa. "I'm not too hungry, either, but I'll bring you soup tomorrow."</p><p>"Reunion." Marco fiddles with his door, then stumbles inside and closes it.</p><p>Tifa sighs. You don't help someone like Marco expecting thanks. </p><p>She means to go back to her room and fall into bed without so much as a shower. But she finds Cloud when she turns around.</p><p>"Shit!" She puts her hand over her chest and sighs.</p><p>Cloud looks at her with his mako eyes. Somehow, they seem brighter in the light. Tifa looks him up and down, narrows her eyes when she sees the bag with stolen clothes.</p><p>"Did you get the Intel?"</p><p>Cloud's glowing eyes flit over to Marco's door.</p><p>"You're the one who tried to kill him," Tifa reminds him.</p><p>"Let's talk somewhere a little more private," says Cloud, turning around.</p><p>A part of Tifa wants to blow him off, to get an edge of satisfaction, but she knows herself. It will be a brief, petty moment, and then she’ll spend all night ruminating about what she could have said or what she could have done. She looks down, frowns when she sees that Cloud still has the bag with the stolen clothes.</p><p>“For you,” says Cloud, handing her the bag.</p><p>“I’m not a thief,” she says, crossing her arms.</p><p>“Why not?” asks Cloud.</p><p>She looks at him.</p><p>“This is a store for ShinRa’s lanyards,” says Cloud. “Everything they have is stolen, even if they throw around all the gil on the Planet.”</p><p>That sounds like a justification, but it’s one that Tifa can’t help but agree with. She takes the bag, still not meeting Cloud’s eyes. “I doubt these shirts will fit me,” she says. Then, she blushes. It’s not often that she complains to men about having trouble finding good clothes that will adequately and comfortably cover her chest.</p><p>“I got oversized clothes,” says Cloud. “You can take them in; I can show you how. I’m shaped. . . I mean.” He coughs. </p><p>Tifa sneaks a look at him and finds him blushing. </p><p>“I’m shorter than most muscular guys, so I can’t find clothes that fit me right, either,” says Cloud. For a moment, he resembles the boy from Nibelheim. The one who couldn’t stand to have anyone pay attention to him. </p><p>“I never thought I’d be complaining about fashion with you,” says Tifa.</p><p>“It’s not about <em>fashion</em>,” huffs Cloud. “I need comfortable clothes that fit right, is all. I have to be able to fight.”</p><p>Speaking of fighting. . . “Come on,” says Tifa, gesturing at her room. “We gotta catch up about the mission.”</p><p>Cloud shoots Marco’s door a last petulant look, then follows Tifa to her room. She puts the bag on her bunk bed and motions for Cloud to sit at her lonely chair, after he puts down that giant sword. Back home - and she hates that she’s gone back to thinking of her old, burned house in Nibelheim as <em>home</em> - she’d have offered him some refreshments, laid out decent silverware, made small talk about the weather. None of that is for her anymore. Even at Seventh Heaven, she’d have offered him some whiskey. She’d been too young for alcohol back in Nibelheim.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>Tifa sits down on her bed and sighs. “Did you get the info we need?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Did you kill anyone?” </p><p>Cloud looks at her. “No.”</p><p>“You’re sure?” insists Tifa.</p><p>“Not directly,” says Cloud, shrugging. “I don’t know who’ll be punished, or how, once someone important realizes what happened.”</p><p>What can she say to that? She sighs deeply, holds her face in her hands.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to get back at them,” says Cloud.</p><p>“It’s not about that!” Tifa looks up, glares at Cloud’s harsh gaze. “It’s about stopping them, so no one else has to go through what we went through.”</p><p>“I don’t care about any of that,” says Cloud. </p><p>“Then why are you doing this?” demands Tifa. “After I found you, it was like you weren’t even there! And now. . . I don’t get what you are or how you got this way.”</p><p>Cloud looks away. “It’s not like you ever knew me that well.”</p><p>“Then let me know you now,” says Tifa, hating how pleading she sounds. Like the girl back in Nibelheim, who hadn’t been able to defend her home, or even her own life. “Why did you still become a SOLDIER, after what they did?”</p><p>“That’s why I left Nibelheim in the first place,” says Cloud, shoulders tense.</p><p>“But then you saw what they are,” says Tifa. “They killed your mom, Cloud. And then you let them-”</p><p>“Stop!” yells Cloud. Suddenly, he’s clutching at his head, almost gasping for breath. </p><p>Tifa swallows. Realizes that she’s also short of breath.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about this,” says Cloud, lurching to his feet. His eyes shine with unshed tears. “I’ll tell Barret what I found.”</p><p>“Cloud. . .” says Tifa, beginning to rise.</p><p>“Don’t!” Cloud grabs the door handle, pauses, but does not turn to look at her. “I’m not who I used to be. That person is dead.”</p><p>He leaves before Tifa can process his words, much less get up and try to stop him. She’s not sure she wants to. The boy who talked to her about clothes mere minutes ago feels a lifetime away.</p><p>But that’s crazy. Cloud is who he is, and she can’t blame him for not turning into the man she’d hoped back when she was a schoolgirl playing games with daisies. She doesn’t know what happened to Cloud right after Nibelheim, what drove him to working for ShinRa after all they’d done. Whatever he’d done, he’d survived. She’s glad for it, despite everything else.</p><p>Feeling like she has boulders strapped to her back, Tifa stands up. The sweat of the day's activities clings to her. She’ll feel better after a good shower. Even if she doesn’t, she has work to do.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In my heart, this is a cloti fic, but let's be real, I'm not gonna beat their scenes in canon.</p><p>Jesse/Cloud hook up in the background, but they break up before the fic is over.</p><p>My <a href="https://twitter.com/LaTigra46636273">twitter account!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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